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Dispatch 06 JUL 2026 Satire

Foreign Minister Unavailable for Foreign Affairs, Prime Minister Relaxed About It

India’s Prime Minister arrives this week for the first visit by an Indian head of government in forty years, a milestone in the trade relationship. New Zealand’s Foreign Affairs Minister will not be there. Winston Peters, who has spent recent weeks describing the free trade agreement’s migration provisions as discriminatory, has travel commitments overseas, and the Prime Minister would like everyone to know this is completely normal.

Christopher Luxon has dismissed his own Foreign Minister’s discrimination claims as “just wrong” and “easy politics”, which is a novel way to describe the man responsible for the country’s foreign policy. The two positions, that the deal is discriminatory and that it is not, are both held by the same Government, which insists it is united on the matter.

Voters watching the coalition conduct its foreign policy debate through press conferences can take comfort in one thing. Whatever the disagreement, both men agree it is the other one who is wrong.