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Dispatch 05 JUL 2026 Satire

Parliament Passes 23 Bills in 80 Hours, Scrutiny Reportedly Doing Fine

Parliament spent last week under urgency, a procedure that lets the Government pass laws quickly by the simple mechanism of not stopping. Twenty-three bills moved through thirty-six stages across roughly eighty hours of sitting time. Ten of them crossed the line in their final readings, which is the legislative equivalent of finishing a marathon by bus.

Urgency exists for emergencies, which is why it is now used for everything. The advantage is speed. The disadvantage is that the usual checks, such as select committee scrutiny and the public getting a say, are also passed under urgency, in the sense that they are passed over entirely.

MPs emerged from the eighty-hour week tired but victorious, having proven that democracy can move at pace when nobody is allowed to slow it down and ask questions. The laws are expected to work perfectly. The ones that do not can always be repealed under urgency.